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Support
What
Support is Available? Family/Friends
Work Colleagues/Witnesses
Support
Groups
Helplines
This
is one of several pages in this section that will give
you the immediate information to help you. These pages
are from
a variety
of sources but all tried and tested by many targets.
You may feel that some things are not necessary or the advice
takes a particularly pessimistic view of people and employers
-
sadly, it's the reality in an extremely high majority
of cases. Most cases of bullying follow exactly the same
format. Protect
yourself by knowing all you can and by taking
the advice on the following pages.
What
support is available? Support is all around us - family,
friends, work colleagues [the ones who are not abusing
you!], witnesses to what is happening to you. Further afield,
there are many support groups which are made up of people
who have been abused and can share valuable information
with you, as well as giving you the emotional support you
need to know that what you are experiencing is not your
fault - and they can give you some great tips on how
to deal with things.
Although
it is hard to do, it is better for you to tell people closest
to you. There is a lot of shame attached to being abused,
you may
feel that it is your fault or that you should have been
able to stop it. Neither are true and you may be surprised
how many people will understand once you start telling
them. People who you may have known for some time may have
also gone through it, but have not spoken to you about
it for the same reason! One saying is: those who matter,
care; those who don't care, don't matter. Take the plunge
with someone you trust the most and that will help you
built up your confidence in telling others.
Work
colleagues and potential witnesses - some may see what
is happening, but often no one sees. The latter is the
hardest to deal with and this type of abuser is clever
enough not to have any witnesses so it will come down to
your word against theirs. With such [usually] plausible
people, this can be hard - there is some
advice under the 'work' section for this.
If
there are witnesses, it is best to get them 'on board'
so to speak as quickly as possible. Try to get them to
put in writing what they have witnessed. This may help
you get support from the management [but in some cases
not]. Work colleagues may also be suffering the same thing
but unknown to you. Again, try to start with someone you
feel you can trust.
Support
from HR and management will be dealt with under the 'work'
quickhit.
Support
groups may be face to face or online and some
face to face groups will also have online discussion forums
as an extra
facility for its members. What will suit you will depend
on your circumstances, access to getting to meetings, access
to the internet/email and also your security concerns.
Face to face groups offer the greatest security as anyone
not genuine will be quickly found out, usually before you
even meet them. This is a little harder on the internet
and some groups take
precautions - just as in work there are people with malicious
intent out on the internet too. Whatever your circumstances
or preferences, there should be a group to suit you
out there!
There
are many face to face support groups and
some have the added benefit of an online
discussion facility. Groups may have membership based
on location, a specific
profession
or
a specific
employer. The Support
Group Network is an organisation
that was set up in 2003 to link groups around the
world for the benefit of targets. A full profile of all
support group members can be found here.
Internet
based
support groups have many benefits and each offer
different things - each have their own personality too!
The internet can be a dangerous place, especially
when traumatised or hurt. The
following is an
analysis
of
the main groups
available with notes on what each code means below so that
you may find the one that suits you and your needs. There
is also a note about the predominant location of
members below. jfo recommend HealingWork, Online Support
Group and Workbully Support.
Group |
Spam Defence |
Troll
& Lurker Defence |
Website |
Internet
and/or Email |
Plus+ |
Activity |
Off-Topic Tendency |
|
|
|
|
IE |
|
669/
0.89 |
Religion |
|
|
|
|
IE |
|
82/
1.82 |
Pet
friendly :) [women only] |
|
|
|
|
|
IE
|
|
358/
0.82
|
Religion
|
|
|
|
|
|
I
|
|
97/
10.2*
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
IE
|
|
27/
0.54
|
News
|
|
|
|
|
|
IE
|
|
162/
0.36
|
|
[*The
3 month period that this comparison was done in 2004.
The Online Support Group started the comparative period
with zero members making the 'average'
numbers for comparison unsuitable. However, for completeness
they are still provided as a guide]
Notes:
Group
name - click on the name to go to any of the online
support groups listed. If there is an attached website,
this is also linked.
Spam
Defence - this is based on whether spammers can
get direct access and post spam to the group [those with
yahoo open membership and the members first post not monitored]
A
spammer is someone who has something
to sell or a virus to infect you with. A virus will
not come come directly through
one of these groups, as all those with open membership
do not allow attachments. However, those groups with
open
memberships are more likely to have someone 'harvest'
email accounts from the site to send a mimicked email
with a
virus.
Troll
& Lurker Defence - this is based on the group
having an open or restricted membership and/or effective
moderation
A
troll is someone who joins a group to cause a disturbance
to the members. For more information, please see this
page.
A
lurker may be sleeping members [genuine
members who are not posting for whatever reason], defence
lawyers [noting the activities and views of those in
litigation]
or a
troll
learning what they can about the members to choose a
target
Internet/Email -
many groups are hosted by yahoo and are available by email
and internet according to the users preference. Some providers
pay for a private forum which may or may not allow messages
by email but may allow PM's [private messages] between
users.
Plus+ -
this gives an indication of whether other facilities/resources
are available other than a discussion forum. These are
quite often associated with private forums that can be
adapted
to the
needs of the users.
Activity -
the first figure is an average number of postings per month,
based on the three month period
to the end June 2004 [*OTSG 3 months to end of July].
The second figure
is
the
average number of postings per month for each member
of the group. Posts per member is a more accurate guide
to the groups' activity than just membership
numbers, as some groups have high levels of
unactive members.
Off-Topic
Tendency - this relates to any feature of the
group that is unrelated to bullying. Some off-topics may
suit some
and not others. The off-topic tendencies listed may
change as any forum moves in different directions.
The
predominant location of members may be important to you
when deciding which group you wish to join, if you are
looking for advice on legal matters or just want
some
commonality.
Bullyonline and Workbully Support tend to be mainly UK
based; Nineveh,
HealingWork
and Toxic Managers tend to be mainly US based; this is
not to say that each forum does not have its fair share
of other countries represented. It is too early to say
if the Online Target Support Group will be predominantly
UK based or worldwide [initial visitors are from UK/US/AU/CA].
Helplines
The
following helplines are available to advise those suffering
from workplace abuse. You may also wish to check if your
employer offers a confidential helpline.
UK
The Andrea Adams Trust 01273
704 900 A UK charity dedicated to bullying, provides
a confidential helpline that can offer advice and direct
callers to further help and support. Available 10.00 and
16.00 Monday to
Friday
SupportLine 020 8554 9004 - provides a confidential
telephone helpline offering emotional support to any individual
on any issue. Hours vary.
Victim Support 0845 30 30 900 - an independent
charity offers someone to talk to in confidence. Open 9am-9pm
Monday to Friday and 9am-7pm on weekends
Lesbian & Gay Employment Rights Lesbians 020 7704
8066 Gay Men 020 7704 6066 LAGER provides support and advice
to those experiencing discrimination at work [minicom also
available]
US
Canada Australia & more
Can
you advise us on helpline numbers?
If
you have any advice or recommendations on changes
to this page, including additional resources,
please email jfo
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